He Can't Divorce Me! I Don’t Want a Divorce!

I’m sorry to have to tell you this, my dear; but, yes, he can. And he doesn’t even have to prove that you’ve committed some kind of fault. “That’s not fair,” you exclaim! As a judge I know would say; “There is no place in my court for the ‘F’ word, because here we follow the Texas Family Code.”

Before we deal with the “F” word, we must recognize that a divorce is a lawsuit in its simplest terms. It has at least two parts. First, there is the ground for the divorce, the reason to justify granting it. Secondly, once the ground is proved, issues involving the child, if any, are considered. And finally, the issues concerning property and debt require and deserve attention.
But, you still ask why he thinks he can get a divorce even if you don’t want it. The answer is very clear because Texas is a no-fault state. That means that there is no requirement by a party to prove any of the fault grounds in order to prove his reason why he should be granted a divorce. Some states refer to this no-fault ground as irreconcilable difference or conflict of personalities. However, the Texas Legislature calls this no-fault ground “insupportability.” So, in order to” prove” this ground, an experienced family law attorney will have his client answer the following questions:

1. Has your marriage become insupportable due to conflict or discord of personalities that tends to destroy the legitimate ends of a marriage relationship? The answer is “yes.” But what does this really mean? It means that he can’t get along with you. He can’t find any common ground with you on the matters that are important to him. You two have become, in his mind, two totally different persons and have grown so far apart that there is no hope of returning to the place that you both were. It’s as if he woke one day, rolled over and looked at you and said to himself, “I don’t like you or your values or what you think or your character.” (These represent my opinions on this matter. Surely there are shrinks out there that can give you more studied and sophisticated answers. I only know this from personal and professional experience.)

2. Is there any reasonable expectation of reconciliation? The answer is “no.” This really means that he is not willing to reconcile. Unfortunately, you can’t force him to reconcile or even try. To do so would be like pushing a wet rope; it can’t be done.

These questions aren’t up for discussion by you, and these questions aren't asked of you. At this point, it’s all about him. The questions and their answers are from his point of view; not yours.
But why does this no-fault ground exist in the first place? Public Policy. Because the legislature decided thirty-nine years ago that that the public was best served not to force a person to remain in situations that a person doesn’t want to continue. To do so may cause such a person to resort to more drastic and serious means to get out of that situation. That may be melodramatic, but there is also the emotional price of alleging and proving a fault ground like adultery or cruelty. That was viewed as being far more devastating on and painful to the litigants than a no-fault divorce. There is some validity to these thoughts in theory, but how much devastation and pain has been prevented by the benevolent governmental implementation is hard to measure. In my estimation and from my professional experience, little of that devastation and pain has been alleviated by no-fault. A divorce is still granted. A family is still torn apart. Dreams are shattered. Lives --- both adults and children --- are forever changed.

If you are served with divorce papers and exclaim that it’s not fair, you are right, it is not fair. But you also need to realize that it is in all likelihood going to result in a final divorce. You need to begin to concentrate on protecting your children, your property, and yourself. But most especially, you need to contact and hire a good, competent family law attorney who will treat you with respect and tell you the truth about this divorce.